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I love my job.
It was my second week into the gig and I had already made fast friends with the other four sales girls at the boutique.
Shock upon shock, Debbie had actually pulled it off; I was referred to as ‘Sales Coordinator’, which meant I supervised the other sales girls at the boutique.
Lady G boutique was actually bigger than I thought it was. The front was all glass but it’s width belied the extended size of the interior. The interior was like a cave, with all sorts of shiny displays to be purchased by rich folks, mainly women.
And where ever women are gathered, there are always petty issues.
It was an unbelievable sight, women turned as ferocious as wild animals when shopping for the perfect dress and accessories; especially when another woman competed. Some just had terribly rude personalities, and in extension, manners; I had to use my experience from the women penitentiary to relate with the customers.
The reason I was instantly accepted into the association of sales girls at Lady G boutique, was because in so many occasions, I had saved more than one of the girls from difficult customers. It naturally became my forte, and it was usual to be called upon if a difficult customer was sighted.
Like now, I thought as I lowered the book I’d been reading. Something I’d pulled from Debbie’s shelf; ‘Determinants of Behavior’, was a very small book, almost a pamphlet, and I was enjoying my read.
I looked up at one of the younger sales girls, “Customer?” I inquired, as usual, and she grinned, nodding to the fact.
“Show me,” I said sagely. I felt like a Shidoshi in times like now, when my expertise was needed.
Since I’d been lounging at the back of the boutique, a part quite apart from the busy area, we had to make our way through a market of racks to get to the customer.
“Category,” I requested in a small voice, slightly above a whisper.
The sales girl couldn’t control her giggle because I sounded so serious. “Tush babe,” she blurted with a laugh.
I grinned at her humor, and as usual, we stopped a few hangers from the subject. Like I’d explained to the sales girls, I had to observe the customer to know the right approach to take.
We’d made up different categories of customer based on their attitude. There was ‘Tush Saucy babe’ meaning, rich, young girl with a bad attitude. ‘Tush Dundee babe’ meaning, rich, young girl but dumb as a sheep. There was the ‘Tush Good girl’, a rich, young girl with good manners and then ‘Tush Babes’, this ones shop in groups and can be really difficult; because in that group, one could encounter all the categories of customer and even some un-named ones.
These categories could also be used to identify the older customers, only ‘Babe’ is exchanged for ‘Mom’.
I frowned because the sales girl had not specified the category correctly. “Saucy, dundee or good girl?” I asked as we stared at the lady browsing through the racks.
“I don’t know o,” she replied, shrugging.
“Then I have to send you into the lion’s den,” I decided, then pushed her forward. The movement caught the customer’s eye and she turned curiously while I dodged behind the rack in front of me.
“Good afternoon, ma, we…,” the young sales girl hadn’t been allowed to complete the compulsory boutique greeting; the customer flashed a derisive glance at the girl and hissed.
“Please, go bother someone else, I don’t give tips,” she announced and backed the girl.
Definitely a ‘saucy’, I concluded when the sales girls covertly turned to where I hid with a hurt expression. I smiled and waved a sorry before working up to the customer, the sales girl was required to remain by my side in case there be an accessory I needed to show a customer, she’d get it for me.
For her sauciness, I removed the detachable 30% discount tag on the rack she was currently browsing and flung it to the startled sales girl.
“Hello and welcome to Lady G boutique, how may I be of service?” I rapidly rolled out the greeting before she could cut me off and plastered a fake smile on my face.
She turned to me with exasperation, her words got stuck in her mouth, perhaps it was my size but she thought twice about what she about to say. The customer bent slightly to the side to check for the young sales girl, she was right behind me.
“I already asked her to go bug someone else,” she said lazily, giving me a pointed look, a clear message that her statement was for me too.
Arrogant, I added to her characteristics.
I cleared my throat and endeavored to sound pleasant. “I must say, you have impeccable taste. That earring must have cost you an arm and a leg,” and I got the reaction I was sure I’d get, she beamed.
“Oh, I spent a fortune on this. I see you have a good eye for jewelry,” she complimented.
I smiled and went a step further to cement our camaraderie, I reduced myself. “Yes, I have the eye, but not the hand, if you know what I mean,” I said looking devastatingly forlorn.
“I do,” she replied and couldn’t contain her superiority over me. I learnt her name was Josie, and she went ahead to inform me that the earrings were a gift from her abroad based fiancé.
She made sure she told me about the price both in dollars and its equivalent in naira. We became fast friends because I was able to look interested and regretful for not having the perfect life she had.
And I kept thinking angrily that a special category should be made just for her, for she was both saucy and dumb. At the end of her transaction, I had succeeded in making her buy a dress from the old stock rack, for double the price and accessories too.
I was satisfied with myself, but apparently my boss wasn’t. Lady G managed to look both displeased and proud at the same time; I wondered how she did it. I stood silently and nodded at her instruction to minimize what I’d just done to Josie.
It appeared my madam appreciated my skills but didn’t want me over doing it. I hid a smile, I feel lucky because I’ve been afforded the opportunity to use my certification; though not directly, but still.
~*********~
Daniel had been worried about Mrs. Grant’s connections as it pertained to the custody battle that Susan was wedging. His worries were valid, the woman didn’t just contact a judge she had personal relations with, the man agreed to have the issue sorted out in private. And private entailed the judge’s impressive office.
He was a bag of nerves as he waited outside the man’s office with the impressive name tag ‘Honorable Justice Abel Ekpo’. Daniel was glad for PJ’s support; he had shoved off his itinerary to be with him today.
“I’m a bit apprehensive,” Daniel said while nervously shaking his right leg. Susan lacked a conscience and therefore was able to do anything to get her way.
PJ’s eyebrow went up humorously. “A bit?” he asked, pointedly staring at Daniel’s shaking leg.
“Okay, more than a bit,” he conceded, and chuckled. His mouth was dry and he wondered if he’d lose the battle before it even begun.
“You should be, your, soon to be, ex-wife is the devil’s seed,” PJ announced reasonably.
Daniel nodded, silently agreeing to PJ’s summation, but it did nothing for his fear, except to stoke it. He took deep breaths to calm his shaky stomach and shoved his hands into his trouser pocket to surreptitiously clean the sweat that had sprouted on his palms.
The judge’s secretary came out then to inform them that the judge was on seat and would see him then. Daniel nodded and PJ patted him on the back.
“I’ll be waiting for you,” he said as a way of calming his friend.
Daniel nodded again, “Maybe she won’t be that bad,” he commented hopefully as he walked into the reception area.
PJ squinted disbelievingly, “For your sake, I pray so.”
His prayers didn’t work.
Daniel stared at Susan as she wailed while telling a story that would have gotten a mob to lynch him, if that was the case. There were actual tears and mucus draining down her face; if he’d not been directly involved in the tale she was spinning, he would have believed her.
“…I didn’t know he had survived the plane crash! I have been a faithful widow, and now he tries to pay me back with divorce! And take away my only beloved daughter! She has been my source of comfort this few years…”
Daniel turned in stupefaction to stare at the judge. The man seemed exasperated; he was, obviously, used to this kind of theatrics.
He cleared his throat to get her attention, and read from a document. “It says here, Susan, that Mr. Daniel filed a missing person’s report on the night that you left home, unannounced, with said child, Stacey Akpan.”
“That’s a lie,” she snapped, trying to mop her face.
And Daniel couldn’t bear the onslaught on his character any longer; he let his temper lose.
“And so is your cry!” he exploded.
“Shut up, you bastard!” she snarled.
“I will not tolerate this indiscipline in my office!” the Judge shouted over their voices, and slammed his beefy hand on his table for good measure.
His stern gaze alternated between Daniel and Susan; on the third move, it settled on Susan.
“I took this case at your mother’s request. She is a dear friend, and that you insult my office by lying so blatantly, is disturbing. As far as I’m concerned, this man deserves to leave an unhappy marriage, I’m assuming that’s done?” he asked and turned to Daniel.
“The papers had been served, she’s yet to return them,” Daniel reported with a bit of relish, almost pointing an accusing finger at her, he knew he sounded like a petulant child, but he didn’t care.
“She will return them,” the judge said decidedly, he was even feeling pity for the young man. He was a fair man, and the only favor he’d promised his dear friend, Mrs. Grant, was to keep everything private to protect her social image.
“Now, my greatest concern is for the child. In all of this, she needs a stable home; a family. Which of you have this?”
The question was unexpected; they’d both thought the judge would just make a decision then send them off to live with it. There was a slight pause; the judge stared at the reaction of the young people, Susan frowned in displeasure while Daniel seemed deep in contemplation.
As though the first to reply would get the price, Susan hurriedly blurted, “I…I live with my mother in her mansion. You see, she’s quite wealthy and Stacey will never lack for a thing,” she finished with a flourish.
Daniel had slumped in his seat, showing defeat since he believed that the judge was already on Mrs. Grant’s side. The man’s suppressed groan made him look up, and he found him slowly rubbing his temple as though to sooth away a headache.
“Susan, I know about your mother and her wealth. But when I say stable home and family, I expected you to understand that I was referring to family values.”
While the judge calmly scolded Susan, Daniel’s mental eye widened, he knew what he had to do to win the day.
“I’m engaged,” he declared and tried very hard to control his breathing, if noticed, it would give him away.
“What?! When?! How?! I don’t believe you!” Susan exclaimed in quick succession. “He’s lying,” she concluded, turning to the judge for support.
The judge slowly turned a speculative gaze on Daniel, “Son, I hope this isn’t a stunt to take full custody of the child.”
Daniel laughed nervously, “Of course not,” he replied with a convincing frown.
“For how long?” Susan jumped in ferociously.
Daniel choked and turned to the judge; Justice Ekpo slowly nodded a go ahead. Daniel cleared his throat and tried to look relaxed instead of the nervous wreck that he really was.
“Err…more than a month,” he answered with a casual wave of his hand. He looked at the judge and looked away, the man’s eyes were like laser beams, it was as though he knew he was lying.
‘I don’t believe you. He’s lying,” Susan said to the judge.
“And why is that?” the judge asked, turning an irritated frown on Susan, she seemed flustered.
“He isn’t the dating kind. Besides, I knew him before we were married, he doesn’t know how to converse with a woman. I was the one that had to initiate our relationship,” she concluded proudly. She didn’t see the disgusted frown on Justice Ekpo’s face.
“And look where that got us,” Daniel muttered, and Susan opened her mouth to say something foul, but the judge was quick to raise his hand authoritatively.
“I won’t be signing any papers today, until I meet your fiancée, Mr. Akpan,” the judge declared.
“What?” Susan exclaimed, the man was considering Daniel.
“But why is that?” Daniel asked, his heart jumping into his throat for then he wondered where he’d get a fiancée.
Susan quickly forgot about her question and attacked Daniel instead. “So that we can verify that you aren’t lying. I don’t want my daughter to be brought up by a skank,” she spat.
“Fortunately, we are trying to rectify that situation,” Daniel said to her pointedly.
“Are you calling me a skank?!” Susan asked on a gasp of outrage. “How dare you insult me this way?” she shouted, and hit Daniel’s arm with her purse.
Justice Abel Ekpo at that moment regretted the absence of his gavel and block, but he improvised by inexorably slamming his hand on a thick file, until his office was quiet.
“Couples like you give marriage a bad name!” he would have cussed then if he didn’t think it would be inappropriate.
“I’m sorry, Sir,” Daniel said contritely.
“We will reconvene here in two weeks and I’ll see your fiancée then. Good day lady, and gentleman,” he snapped, effectively dismissing them.
Daniel didn’t wait for further instructions; he fled the stifling environment of the judge’s office. When he stepped out and couldn’t find PJ, he immediately rushed to the car park. He must have gotten bored at the reception room, because he seemed to be napping in the driver’s seat.
“Let’s go, PJ,” Daniel said urgently and was satisfied that his friend immediately complied by turning the ignition and reversing; obviously he’d not been napping.
“How did it go?”
“She’s the devil’s seed. And I need a fiancée,” Daniel exhaled helplessly.
PJ’s eyes widened in consternation, “I don’t know where to get those!” he exclaimed.
A FEELING OF DÉJÀ VU stole over him as he paced the length of his tastefully furnished living room. He was reminded of this same action on the ‘Stacey, Susan and a need to find a woman’ case. Only now the ante had increased, he was in need of a pretend fiancée; definitely harder to find than a pretend girl friend.
“I need to get a fiancée,” he whispered thoughtfully and kept his pace.
“Keep saying that continuously, it just might work,” PJ said slowly, while skipping channels on the plasma TV.
“You’re not helping,” Daniel snapped.
And PJ finally let his angst known. “Well,” he begun, dropping the TV remote on the leather couch. “You marched into the judge’s office and practically hung yourself to dry. The situation just nose dived into being impossible.
“Now, we aren’t just looking for a woman who would pretend to date you. We need a woman who isn’t a skank nor looks like one; she has to be intelligent or look so, most importantly, she has to be psychologically inclined to handle a twelve year old. Where do we find such a woman? You might as well be talking about my wife!” he exploded in angry exasperation.
Daniel abruptly stopped pacing, his frown deepened to a scowl, then it cleared into excitement. “That’s the answer! I can’t believe I hadn’t thought about this since. Your wife, she can be my pretend fiancée,” he said excitedly, while nodding at PJ, willing him to agree.
But his friend’s frown wasn’t encouraging in the least. “You’re out of your mind! Wait a second, have you been eyeing my wife indecently?” the vein on the side of his neck was prominently throbbing, a clear testament of his fury.
Daniel scoffed, “Out of a million and one…, anyway, that’s not the issue here. I’ve been the one advocating for reconciliation between you and your wife, but you, good sir, have refused. Why are you even bothered that I wish her to be my fake fiancée?
“You should divorce her already, let the woman go, it’s been more than two years.”
“If she wants a divorce, she knows where to find me,” PJ grumbled.
Daniel rolled his eyes in exasperation, “I don’t care at this point, PJ; I’m calling her. She’s my only hope.”
“You will do no such thing!” PJ declared vehemently.
“Watch me,” Daniel said determinedly and picked up his phone.
The story continues…
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