Nimi sank into bed exhausted after the day’s work. For weeks she had been coming home this way and was glad. Due to the nature of her current environment and her present job, she had obligations in church, work and home and those were the only 3 places she often visited and it had been going fine for a while except for moments when she would feel alone when she came back to the house.
Kicking off her shoes, she reluctantly headed to the fridge to look for something she could warm and eat. Today was one of those days she wasn’t in the mood to cook anything. This was the fourth week here and it took her a while to warm up to people. God had not told her how long she was going to be here, but she sensed it was going to be a while. She prayed for strength because some days, she couldn’t stop the tears from coming when she remembered what could have been if she had perhaps ignored God’s voice.
Or was it really God’s voice? Those words would often come to torment her making her wish she could turn back and run into Dapo’s arms and the life waiting for her if she changed her mind. The doubts had been seeping in ever since she arrived at her new abode and assigned a desk in her new office.
But would Dapo receive her? He’d stared at her like she was breaking his heart. He hadn’t even hugged her when she tried hugging him before she traveled. He looked betrayed, hurt and angry. She’d told him not to call but right now, she wished he would call, even if it was just to hear him say her name, how she’d dreamed about him calling her name and she being in his arms with their child. She knew he had every right to be upset. All their hopes and dreams she’d cast aside like he didn’t mean anything to her.
If only he knew how it meant the whole world to her. It had meant everything to her, it was something she sought to protect if God would give her a chance. But God had seen that and wouldn’t allow her place an idol before Him. Dapo came into her life and she forgot everything else that made sense to her. She was beginning to understand when some women believed a man could be their all. He loved her and made her want to do things she’d never imagined doing with anyone else.
Was it the desire in his eyes or the way he held and kissed her when they were alone? Or the way he grinned anytime she said something that made him laugh. She’d caught him dozing off one time on their picnic outing and she had been tempted to kiss him there and then. He had a boyish and calm look about him when he slept and to her, everything about him screamed perfection. He was her perfect prince, the only one she wanted to give herself to, the only one she wanted to become one with. Days she’d dreamed of that happening but here they were, far apart unaware of what he was doing right now or if he even missed her.
Would he have found someone to replace her already? Perhaps…, it wasn’t hard for him. If he needed a girl he’d get one ready to worship him and become his wife since she chose God above him.
Oh God…, I’m still trying to understand why you want us apart. This is just too hard…I’m finding it hard to move on. One minute I’m here feeling joyful that I obeyed you and the other minute, I just want to go home, I want to go back to familiar grounds. I want to see my mum and Tolani and Akin. I want to see Lara because I poured out myself for her, I labored for her. Will she go back to her vomit? Will she go on to think all I’ve told her are just lies? I know you’re my first love, my all in all, but somedays I can’t help but want a love life, a life to share with someone, waking up beside my husband and looking into his eyes. Is it wrong to desire those things father? I know I might have taken it too far but I’m willing to get another chance…
She sighed.
Not my will Lord but yours above mine.
The microwave beeped disrupting her thoughts and she reached to pull out her porridge which was quite warm enough to eat. She picked a tray and headed for her bed.
The accommodation she’d been given was self-contained but was nicely structured and fit for her use. It felt like it had been designed perfectly for her though she wondered if and when she could bring friends over when she started having them. It would be nice to have people come greet her and they would talk, eat and have fun. Her boss was a nice young man who had dropped her at home twice and she had been grateful. She liked that he didn’t probe into her life too much and minded his business often. He often asked her if she was happy to be there since it was far away from her life in Lagos and since she didn’t want to lie, she just told him she would hopefully adjust soon as it took time.
He would smile and return to his office.
She had found a small church as God led her when she looked for a place to worship on her first Sunday and she liked the place. It was warm and friendly and the people welcomed her almost as if she was meant to be there. So when the doubts came, the fact that God had made everything work out accordingly gave her certainty that he had a plan and she just had to keep trusting.
Her phone rang and she picked it. She recognized the caller ID as Arike. The woman called her often like her family did and she was glad.
“Sweetheart…”
“Good evening sis.”
“Good evening my love, how are you doing today?”
“Tired…, just got back from work. I intend sleeping early tonight so I can do my laundry as early as possible and focus on the work I brought home today. How’s your end?”
“The kids haven’t succeded in their plan to make their mother land in Yaba left so that’s something.”
Nimi giggled. “How’s Bolu and Bidemi?”
“They’re good. I would have put them on the phone but they’re asleep. Femi is taking them to amusement park tomorrow so I told them to better behave or I’ll just cancel. So they went to bed early.”
She glanced at her wall-clock. It was 7:30 p.m
“Uh, sweetheart…, Dapo dropped into my heart this evening and I was thinking if we could pray for him. I don’t know exactly what it is but as I was about calling him, the Spirit wanted me to call you instead.”
Nimi frowned. He had been coming to her thoughts recently too, especially today but she felt she was just love-sick and finding it hard to get him out of her system. She obviously wasn’t paying attention to her inner man enough.
Maybe there was an accident ahead and God wanted him to be safe.
“Sure. I’ll pray as I’m led to.” She shrugged. She still loved him and so she would pray because she had to.
“Have you heard from Mum and your siblings?” She changed the topic abruptly.
“Yes, mum called me yesterday and Tolani was planning on coming over to spend time with me when the holiday starts.”
“Oh fantastic. Maybe I will negotiate with Femi so I can come too.”
Nimi blinked back tears wondering how God was already looking out for her when she was already thinking about it just a few minutes ago.
Thank you Jesus was all her heart could mumble as she continued her conversation smiling and brightening up as Arike narrated her day to her.
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Lara couldn’t tell anyone the nightmares had returned. As she headed out of the office hoping to beat the Friday traffic, her mind flashed to the parties that would be going down tonight. She knew what happened on Fridays but she had left that gang ever since Nimi came into her life and changed everything. Besides, getting drunk and making out with a stranger was not something she wanted to indulge in tonight or anytime soon. IK would obviously not follow her into a club and she liked the life with him at the moment. They were still friends but she often wondered if there was a next step for them and what he meant by God asking him to wait.
The same God that had told Nimi to dump Dapo and travel to Ondo.
The God she’d vowed not to love because he enjoyed hurting people.
For the first time since Nimi left, she suddenly wished she had gone with her. There would be no harm in that would there? Maybe she would call her and ask if she could spend time with her. She knew the nightmares was her major reason but another one plagued her at the moment.
Her father was back and she suddenly grew scared of staying in the same house with him. She saw his eyes as he stared at her, almost as if she’d betrayed what they had. She wanted to go with her mother to Abuja but she had a feeling his eyes would follow them there.
The eyes looked similar to the one she felt had been watching her anytime she slept. Sometimes she would struggle to push away the men that molested her in the dream but some days, she wasn’t strong enough and they would torture her till she woke.
Should I confront Daddy about the dreams? Should I demand why he’s making me feel guilty about all of this when he’s the one who hurt me and used me. He’s the one who broke mum’s heart but he’s making us feel bad about it.
She shook her head as she headed home. It would only make it worse.
Nimi isn’t here and I feel so helpless. I feel like I’m only going to call danger upon myself. He might come into my room and plant something there. The last thing I want to do is be drugged and spend nights in a psychiatric hospital.
A horn blasted and eyes widening, she swerved to the right when she saw a truck that could have almost smashed her and her car to pieces. She had obviously been wrapped up in her thoughts and didn’t see where she was going on the road. She heaved a huge sigh of relief as she realized that she’d just escaped a narrow accident.
Could that be God? She shook her head. She was just acting paranoid.
“Madam, you wan kill yaself abi…”
Someone yelled at her with curse words and she realised it was the person sitting in the truck. Waving him away due to irritation, she continued driving at her own pace, ensuring she was looking at the road this time.
Lara…, focus. Just focus. Get home, sit down and think of what to do, but right now, make sure you get home safely.
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When she got home, she asked the girls to make her rice and stew while she headed upstairs to take a shower. She needed to relax and think, she had too many thoughts following in her head and right now, all she wanted to do was probably soak herself in her tub and have scented candles around her.
Her mind suddenly flashed back to nights with Soji where they would spend hours talking and kissing in the tub and she shook it away. She’d spent so many years loving the guy she wondered if she wasn’t hurting IK by bringing such baggage into their relationship if they were going to have one. What about times when IK would want to make love to her as his wife, would she imagine Soji? She cringed at the thought. She hated the guy and yet he still found way to invade her thoughts this way.
A bubble bath would be a good way to relax and let go of stress. Stripping off her clothes, she hurriedly prepared it and went back to her room to look for something to read to distract her and probably make her drowse off and nap for about 5-10 minutes. Her eyes caught a book she was familiar with and she raised it recognising it as the one Nimi had written verses and notes for her when she was with her.
She opened it and sat down absent mindedly wondering how it got to her bed in the first place when she hadn’t seen it for days and the girls usually cleaned the room when she stepped out.
The first words that caught her eyes were one Nimi had written on the front page.
John 3:16: For God so loved the world, that he sent his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
Her mind suddenly flashed to a conversation they’d heard weeks ago.
“Why would a loving God send his only Son to die for a world full of wicked people? A loving God doesn’t give himself out at the mercy of people who don’t care. Perhaps He just didn’t love Jesus enough. If I had a child, I would never do that to him. I would never give him to a world that doesn’t even care. And when you say it’s God himself, I don’t understand how that’s love.”
She dropped the book immediately as if something had pricked her. There was something about those words and the flashback that scared her. She quickly ran back to the bathroom as if running from her fears and settled in, closing her eyes and sighing at the huge relief and satisfaction the bath salts provided. All her stress and thoughts seemed to dissolve as she stepped in and she was happy again.
I love you
She blinked and turned sitting half-way. Those words didn’t come from her, they came from someone in the bathroom with her.
“Who’s there?” She looked around feeling scared again.
No one answered.
She settled in and shook her head. Her mind was obviously playing tricks on her. Her mind suddenly flashed to Nimi battling with her feelings as she left her brother.
“Oh Nimi..” She sighed unable to hold it in and talking to herself. “I miss you so much. Why did you leave us, why did you leave me? Didn’t you love us enough? Love doesn’t leave the one you love…, what kind of love is that?”
The type that God had when He came to take your place on the cross.
She jerked up this time. Swallowing, she looked around again knowing something was definitely happening and it was beyond her imagination. “I don’t understand. Nimi loved Dapo. I could see her hurting…”
She sacrificed because she loved Dapo.
Why? How?
Love does not seek it’s own.
Love took your place on a cross and bore the wrath meant for you. Love thought of you above everything else.
Her heart recognised something immediately and she blinked.
“Did you hurt the way Nimi hurt when you died for me on the cross?”
So much more.
“Love does not seek it’s own.” She mumbled as understanding dawned on her. “Oh my god!”
She began sobbing and when she looked up, she saw a young girl playing with her princess dolls once again. She knew this dream so well. She knew the girl, knew what was supposed to happen next. IK was supposed to come in, it was supposed to grow dark and then her father would come in as she screamed from her nightmares.
But this time the dream was different. Someone came through the door but it wasn’t her father this time. It was someone else. She was only able to see his feet wrapped in sandals as he came towards her. When she looked up, she was a child again and he had a lovely smile that took her fears away.
“Hello beautiful one.” He reached out his hand and she saw holes in them.
She hesitated wondering why his hands had holes in them. When she looked up, he nodded. “For you, my love. I gave everything to be with you.”
She began to cry.
“Take my hand.”
And she took it.
He lifted her and wrapped her in his arms. “Come away with me.”
And she nodded clinging to him as he led her out of her room where the nightmares had begun.
Lara snapped out of her dream and realised she was still in the tub and everything that happened had been a dream within a dream.
Except…
She stood up and rinsed herself off, threw on her robe while running to her room. Someone had been here and she hadn’t been dreaming about it. There was a fragrance that permeated her room and she couldn’t relate it to any of her perfumes. She hadn’t even sprayed anything before using the bathroom.
She looked down and saw the book she’d seen in the dream, but this time, her bible was beside it.
She shivered as the dream returned.
The holes in his hands, the smile on his face, the aura surrounding him.
Come away with me.
She reached to cover her mouth with her hands as she broke down and cried. “Oh Jesus, yes I believe…, I saw the scars. I can see your love for me. Oh Jesus I believe you’re Lord, Oh Jesus…, oh God, you’re true.”
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Dapo turned off the ignition and felt something tighten in his chest as he stared at Toke who was already sliding her hand on his thigh unabashedly. She was ready to give him what he wanted but he wanted Nimi.
Not her.
She left you, go on and have fun. It’s just tonight anyway.
His mind flashed to his ring which she returned before going. Maybe he had been trying to believe something might happen but that reminded him that she was gone for good.
Toke leaned in to kiss him and he felt more uncomfortable. Why couldn’t he just have fun in peace? Why was his spirit making him feel this way?
She noticed because she withdrew and smiled. “I understand that it might be hard for you right now but that’s why we’re here baby. It’s Friday remember?” She caressed his beard revealing her manicured nails. “You know what, why don’t we go inside and have a few drinks, get to the dance floor and you’ll lighten up, trust me.”
He nodded.
“I know you’ve not been into this life for a while but don’t worry, that’s why I’m here for you. To give you a good time so forget about her.” She coaxed nibbling his earlobe. “It’s me right here and right now baby…”
He inhaled deeply closing his eyes. The alcohol might help out because he wasn’t feeling in the mood yet though he wanted to reciprocate as her dress revealed enough to turn him on.
His phone rang and he sighed. He tried reaching for it but Toke stopped him. “Don’t.”
He laughed. “It could be my mum or something important. Why don’t you go inside and order drinks for us while I answer the call…okay baby?”
She winked and stepped out and he watched her as she strutted off already wondering if this night could get any worse. He reached for his phone and saw Lara’s caller ID.
“Hey bunny…” He greeted casually before he heard her sobs. “Sweetheart, are you alright?”
“Oh Bro Dapo…, please can you come home immediately!” She cried and he grew scared. “Lara, what’s going on? Where are you? Are you at home?”
“I’m at home Bro Dapo and I’m very fine. I just can’t hold it in. Oh Bro Dapo, you won’t believe what just happened…, in my wildest dreams I never imagined it could happen. I now understand why Nimi left, for me, for us Bro Dapo, for me to see the light. Now I can understand what she was trying to tell me about God’s love.”
“Lara.., what is going on…” He was growing inpatient and the mention of Nimi perplexed him further. Not while his car was parked close to a club.
“Jesus came to see me!” She cried excitedly on the phone and he froze.
“What???”
“Like! Oh Bro Dapo, is this how it feels to accept Jesus into your life? Is this how you felt for you too? I can’t believe you’ve been enjoying this much without me.”
Dapo stared at his windshield the guilt suddenly pricking him at what he was about to do and how foolish he had been. Here was his sister rejoicing to have found Jesus whereas, he was about to misuse the gift and grace he’d been given.
But how? Where, when, how was it possible? He couldn’t believe his ears. Oh my goodness. His sister was finally alive and she was happy about it. Oh he had to go home right now and see her. This was the most amazing news he had heard all week.
He suddenly turned on the ignition and reversed driving as fast as he could to see his sister and forgetting the young woman he had left at the bar. His sister had found something great, something he’d praying about for years. Just when he thought God was no longer concerned about them, he came shining his light through.
This time, so that His name alone would be glorified.
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Lara’s eyes were dancing as she narrated the whole ordeal to him and their mother who was already home and was fascinated by the story the young lady shared.
“Bro Dapo, I am going to read all of this bible today! I’ve wasted too much time. Oh my, I’m so excited I feel drunk but this feels better than wine. I can’t believe this. My goodness Bro Dapo, God loves me this much, I can’t contain it.”
“Yes baby…” Dapo tried to wipe his eyes as tears fell. He had mixed feelings of joy and guilt. Joy for his sister and guilt over his attitude about Nimi’s departure and what he would have almost done with Toke had she not come through with the call. “The first time, it was amazing, almost unbelievable, the possibility of someone wiping all your sins away just like that, giving us a clean slate.”
She hugged him and began sobbing again. “We are loved, I am loved. I see it clearly now. I’ve been blind all this while.”
He rubbed her back soothingly feeling her joy. He knew his sister could be a drama queen but this was too real to ignore. He knew how excited she was and hoped the passion for Jesus kept burning and sustained her. He hadn’t seen Jesus when he had come into Christ the way Lara had done, but he knew the joy that pulsed through his veins when truth dawned on him. It was unlike any other experience.
Their mother stared at them and she had a sad smile on her face watching them. Dapo sensed how his mother felt about her new found life and she wished she could somehow be a part of it.
He prayed inside. Father, please bring her into your life and your light too, let her see how much you love her and deliver her from any sorrow she might be experiencing which she finds hard to say or share. In Jesus name. Amen.
“I can’t wait to start hearing Him speak to me Bro Dapo. He actually spoke to me and I heard Him clearly.” Lara chuckled. “You told me he talks right…, the way Nimi hears him, I can hear him too…oh before we forget, we have to call Nimi…and IK. I bet both of them will be excited to hear the news.”
Dapo rested an arm on his sisters’ signalling her to console their mother who had tears in her eyes already.
“Mummy…, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” Lara asked going to embrace her mother and wipe her tears away. “I thought you were happy.”
She nodded. “I am, I’ve never seen you so joyful before my love and I feel left out not knowing how it feels like…”
“Bro Dapo, we can pray for mummy can’t we? Jesus came for me and he can come for her too. I can sense she wants to be part of this too.”
Dapo blinked. How was it possible for his sister who was newly born to begin sensing what he’d sensed earlier.
She now has my seal
Dapo couldn’t hold another flood of tears as God reminded him of Acts 10 and the story of Cornelius. Suddenly he realised that the presence of God had surrounded them and filled the house. He couldn’t hold it in as he went on his knees and began to pray, from his understanding to tongues and his mother kept crying. Soon, the cries became louder.
“What is this?” Their mother screamed and moved back terrified by only something she could see. “Dapo! Are you the one doing this? I can’t…, I can’t…, I’m scared it’s going to destroy me, it’s too much.”
“Mummy…” Lara tried to reach for her mother but the woman kept moving away screaming and crying till the maids stepped out.
She cried like something was burning her and collapsed like someone who had been shot. Lara was terrified wondering why their mother was acting like something had possessed her and ran to check on her while her brother kept praying and wailing in an unknown tongue she couldn’t understand.
“Mum?” Lara touched her mother’s head and it was warm. She shook her. “Mummy…, what’s going on, are you alright? What were you seeing?”
Her mother kept shaking her head as more tears came. “He’s real.” Her body racked with sobs. “And I couldn’t help but see the kind of person I am…, I have to tell you the truth.”
“What truth?”
By the time Lara assisted her mother in gaining composure, Dapo had stopped and came to join them. It was then Mrs Kitan told them everything.
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Dapo typed furiously at his computer trying to make up for the work he hadn’t been able to do over his exciting and extra-ordinary weekend. He was energized and happy. Life looked beautiful again. His mother and sister were saved…, in one weekend where he would have thrown caution to the wind. God had turned it to something beautiful and His name alone was glorified. All these years he’d prayed for his family to see him and they had seen him so much more than he ever did in his lifetime.
Due to one girl’s obedience.
He wanted to call Nimi, if possible fly to Ondo and wrap her in his arms telling her he had been foolish not to see her obedience and sacrifice would lead to something better. All he had seen was a God he didn’t understand when infact, God had been looking out for himself and his family. What if she hadn’t gone? What if she’d stayed and they had married.., he would never have known the truth he knew now, and Lara and his mum would still be living their old life.
He was going to call her during the weekend when he felt the Spirit tell him not to.
Not yet.
He obeyed.
I miss her. He confessed. “And I’m sorry for how foolish I behaved, for turning a gift into something more than what you intended it to be. You’ll be my first Lord Jesus, and my last. You are my everything. Forgive me for grieving your spirit, forgive me for taking your mercy for granted, for giving me for choosing my own way above yours.”
He felt the peace overwhelm him once again reminding him of God’s never ending love and mercy. His mind flashed to what his mother had shared with them over the weekend. When they were young, they’d made a blood covenant to keep them together, especially when the Baba that had tied them together told them of their future and how her husband will grow wealthy in future. He would also have many enemies as his wealth grew so if they were tied together, it would secure their love, their lives and those of their children. None of them could leave and even if they had affairs, they were bound to each other for life. The day one left, the consequences could be fatal.
She was unaware if her husband had gone to create another covenant with their daughter that involved blood as well. It was one reason why she’d been terrified when she found out the truth of Lara’s abuse. She told them of the way her husband had looked into her eyes the night she threatened to leave with Lara. She’d seen something dark and sinister, a man whose confidence was rooted somewhere she couldn’t fathom. It was then she knew he’d delved into deeper things she was not aware of and was scared of leaving him.
They’d prayed after she accepted Jesus into her life and Dapo assured her that Jesus had stepped in so every form of curse and covenant was broken. They were currently staying in his place for a while till there was a change of plans. His mind had begun working on how he would need to withdraw enough money to send his mother away from Lagos and rent them a house in Abuja perhaps. He saw there was fear in his mother’s eyes but he assured her she was fine. God’s covenant with her through Jesus was stronger than his father’s or any other individual.
Lara was quitting from their father’s company this week and he was helping her make arrangements to travel to Portharcourt with IK. He had prayed about it and he felt led to let IK take care of his sister. In a few months’ time, she would be gone and he knew he would miss her.
But it was for the best.
If his father wanted to question anyone, he would have to pass through him. He could imagine the shock on his face when he realised that his wife and daughter were gone.
His door barged open only for him to see Toke walking towards him while Bibi his secretary ran behind her. “Sir, she wouldn’t let me take a message…”
He stood up immediately nodding to Bibi that it was fine. The girl hurriedly left his office and he could see his ex-girlfriend fuming underneath her beautifully painted face. He walked towards her trying to apologise for leaving her at a club and running off to meet his sister. It was then he realised that he hadn’t even called to explain why he left throughout the weekend.
“Toke-, I’m sorry, I—“ Her hand cracked across his face and he swallowed enduring the pain that came with it. He bit his lip. Guess I deserved that.
“Don’t you ever, ever in your messed up life stand me up in a club like that, understand me?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Next time I won’t…”
“Oh I assure you there won’t be a next time.” He nodded going back to his seat wishing he could rub the stinging effect of her hands on his face. “You’ve had your pound of flesh, you can take your leave now.”
She looked surprised. “Won’t you apologise?”
“I believe I already tried doing that before you sent your nails cracking on my face.”
She blinked. “I’ve always known you’re the proud one, I just didn’t know you had taken it to another level.” She rolled her eyes and turned. “I wish you all the best in your miserable life. Just know that when you come begging, I’ll show you the door the way you did for me.”
And she stormed off.
When she had gone, he sighed finally reaching to rub his cheeks. Father, that hurt.
And he could only laugh at himself.
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Original story by ITUNU TAIWO owner of http://myglowingscenes.com
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