Nimi tried to sleep but couldn’t when the thought of Dapo and Melissa and how he’d gotten her killed kept tormenting her through the night. She felt for a girl she had never seen and how unfortunate she’d been. Did she even get to live life, did she get to know about Jesus? Or Dapo took that away from her as well?
She watched her sister sleeping peacefully beside her and her heart ached. She couldn’t imagine a guy doing that to Tolani. She would hate whoever tried to take her sister’s life. Even if Tolani got pregnant today, they wouldn’t push her away. Well yea her mother would scold her but it was better than doing an abortion and taking life.
Two lives had been taken. Melissa and her Baby.
What kind of man was Dapo that she wasn’t aware of? Were there still things hidden that she would get to find out if the relationship went on? What if he demanded things from her that she couldn’t give him? All the thoughts that she had been fighting to keep away suddenly burst into her head and she couldn’t control them anymore.
Dapo was well known for his scandalous ways. What if she disappointed him on their wedding night?
What if she began to have kids and grow fat and he chose to look somewhere else?
What if he didn’t want as many kids as she wanted and told her to abort it?
What if he was bent on having his way?
What if he decided to cheat on her?
Was there any wonder why his sister had been brazen enough to talk about Him right before her friends?
She was the first of the kind of women he dated. Was there any assurance he would not tire of her soon?
She sobbed into her pillow wondering why God was making her go through all of this and why He wasn’t reaching out to lift her out of her misery. Why couldn’t he give her someone that didn’t have a terrible past such as His? Why did he have to be popular and be attractive to other women, why couldn’t he be someone ordinary but special to her because He loved her and her alone?
Her phone rang and her heart leaped. She hoped it was not Dapo. When she glanced at the caller ID, she was grateful it wasn’t and she hurriedly picked it.
“Hello dear.” An older voice greeted from the other end and it suddenly felt like balm on her raw wounds at the moment.
“Sis Arike.” She greeted hoping to God her voice did not reveal what she was feeling at the moment. She looked at the time and wondered why her spiritual sister was calling her at that time.
“How are you my love?”
“I’m fine. I’m okay. I hope everything is fine? How’s Bro Femi? I hope he’s alright, and the kids?”
“They’re all fine thank you my darling. You’re the one I should be asking if everything is alright at your end. I felt slightly burdened in my spirit and I knew God wanted me to call you and pray with you.”
She closed her eyes. He was looking out for her as always.
She wanted to lie but thought against it. “To be honest things are not really going well at my end here.” She sniffed and more tears came.
“What happened? Is Dapo alright?”
She shook her head allowing the tears to come. It was a while she had been this vulnerable. “I don’t know what to do Sis, Dapo just told me his past and I don’t think I can go on with him anymore. How can I live with a man that intentionally killed someone? I wish I could hold it in but I can’t. I just want to let him go and move on to something easier, someone better than all of this.”
“Oh my goodness.”
“I know God has forgiven him but what about me? I’m just too scared that I have to deal with all of these things being aware that he has a competition of women ready to jump on him when he has the chance. And then His sister just messed me up today in her office right in front of her friends. I felt horrible. I don’t think I remember feeling so horrible all my life.”
“Hmmn”
“Right now, I wish God would just take a chill pill and let me rest. Let me choose my future for once. Let me decide whom I want to love and who I want to associate with. The only thing I’m grateful for right now is that I’m going to school tomorrow and the day after so I get the chance to avoid being in Lara’s office. But what happens to me on Thursday when I have to return, when God wants me to return? And what happens when I have to tell Dapo that it can’t work between us?”
“Whoaa…, cool down young woman. Just relax and take it easy okay. I think all your emotions are just all over the place and so you can’t act on that right now. You need to calm down and allow God’s word lead you as always. Take a deep breath and relax.”
“But…”
“I said relax.”
“Did you just hear what I just said?” Nimi queried.
“Yes, Dapo killed someone in his past. There’s nothing new under the sun. What I would like to know is, was this before Jesus or after Jesus?”
She swallowed. “He said it was before Jesus.’’
“Oh so it has become ‘He said’ now meaning you don’t believe him?”
She wrestled with her feelings. “I don’t know what to believe anymore honestly.”
“You can’t take actions based on the way you’re currently feeling sweetheart. You need to sit down and analyse this situation according to God’s word. I’m a scientist and I know how evidence is our priority wherever science is concerned. No matter what may happen, if an evidence shows drug A shows a certain type of reaction, then we believe it no matter what. The same applies to God’s word. Yes, he’s had a bad past, well yea, almost everyone I know has had one except you of course.”
“I didn’t mean it that way…” She suddenly felt guilty remembering how Arike had shared her past with her before she met Christ.
“Well, that’s what you mean. To God, to whoever is going to judge this thing from God’s point of view. You obviously don’t know what it is to be forgiven. I don’t mean to turn the tables on you but that young man is probably hurting somewhere for years because of the shame and he finally has the guts to tell you even when he’s uncertain you’ll still stay with Him. That’s a real man Nimi, and I’m scared that you’re just going to throw something good away because of your own standards and not God’s own standards.”
Nimi remained quiet.
“Look at me, I wasn’t raised in a Christian home and I was raised to live like a wolf. I took things from people and hurt them, I told myself I was bisexual and did what I wanted. I even killed my own baby when I got pregnant and drank myself to stupor on nights when I couldn’t take in the pain anymore. You know Femi was a drug addict right? All these things you know and you did not seem to have a problem with till it gets to your turn and it’s a turn off for you.
Jesus did not come for the good people. He came for people like me. I think it’s we who get to appreciate him more because we know what we went through and He was like a breath of fresh air made available to us. I don’t mean to get personal here but sometimes we are our own enemies because we decide who should be forgiven and who shouldn’t. We love categorizing people yet hiding our own sins conveniently because we feel they’re not as big as the ones that we wouldn’t dare to do. But He said for all sinned meaning a man who has morals and doesn’t identify with Jesus and what He did on that cross is the same as a lesbo, a homo and murderer.
God doesn’t classify sin. He has a standard and that standard was Jesus. Accept him or not. Dapo has accepted him. The cross has made him flawless. Shikena. Please move on and live life. Except maybe you were not sure it was God who told you then maybe you should find yourself some nice Mr Darcy who has never done anything wrong in his life and live happily ever after.”
Nimi was hurt but she knew that was the truth. The raw and solid truth. God had been gentle and pleading with her but she had refused. She probably needed this to get her head in place again.
“I’m sorry I had to go all out on you. To be honest I really don’t know where those words came from. I know it can be hard but just trust God and let him lead you. As for his sister, don’t worry about that one, the day Jesus will arrest her is coming. She will soon see you as bestie when she realizes you’re the one who truly loves her amongst her vulgar friends. Just don’t let what she says get to your head. I really don’t know what she said to you but I don’t want to hear it. I suspect its something very terrible knowing the kind of woman she is and how far she was willing to disgrace you in front of her friends. But she is only going to win if you allow her come between yourself and Dapo. He loves you, I believe He does and the thing that really excites me about Him is He has this passion for Jesus that almost pass my own sef. I told Femi that if not that we had married and had kids, I might have run away with him sorry.” She laughed to make things lighter and Nimi tried to laugh but she still felt hurt.
“Do you want to come and see me tomorrow? I can create space in the guest room so we can chat, eat and you’ll feel at home.”
“Maybe Sunday.” She still had her thoughts to deal with.
“Okay love. I love you but God loves you more. Can I pray with you?”
“Sure.”
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It was quite noisy in the background when Nimi stared ahead in the cloudy vision right before her. It was hot, sunny and dusty and she wondered what was going on and why she seemed to be in a place and time that wasn’t in any way associated with her present timing.
She was looking for someone. She knew she was but could not place it but she kept searching hoping she would find Him soon. She tried to walk faster and realized that she was wearing a long white garment that prevented her from doing so.
And that was when she saw Him.
It wasn’t actually Him, it was the cross she was looking for.
She was about to head towards it when she saw someone struggling with someone else and preventing them from getting there as well.
A man in a roman uniform was battling with a young man and pushing him back, as if he had the right to prevent him from gaining access to the cross.
She moved forward and realized it was Dapo and her eyes widened. She hurriedly went for the man in uniform wanting to push him away but he pushed her against the floor instead soiling her garment.
She charged for the soldier again and that was when he tore off his helmet and she saw no one but herself staring right back at her with a smirk on her face.
“Hello namesake.”
Nimi jerked from the bed sweating profusely and sighed into the darkness when she realized that it had only been a dream.
A terrible one.
What had happened and why did she see herself? Could she be fighting against Dapo from receiving full forgiveness and prevent herself as well?
It didn’t make any sense.
She tried to calm down and went to the bathroom. When she returned, she realized it was only 3am and she needed something to comfort her soul at the moment.
The only thing around her was the bible and she reached for it.
And that was when the dream interpretation came. From Mathew 18 from verse 23
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.
“Oh God, my father, I’m so sorry.” Her heart broke and she went on her knees. Arike had told her to call Dapo last night but she refused because she said she needed more time. But that dream had revealed what she was indeed doing.
She was acting like she had some righteousness of her own and was judging Dapo by her own standards. She did not think he deserved forgiveness whereas the same way God had forgiven and accepted her too, the same way He had done the same for Dapo and whoever would acknowledge his work through His Son Jesus. She was the wicked servant from the dream and her own kind of goodness was tending towards adding to what God had done already when it was only going to be like filthy rags.
She did not go back to sleep, but kept sobbing and praying and pouring out her heart to God about what she had felt and how sorry she was.
And she prayed that God would strengthen her to help accommodate Dapo in whatever way He’d fallen short and to help her love him relentlessly. No matter how much she did not think he was worth loving to her.
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“Hi.”
Nimi turned just to see Dare waving as he walked towards her when the class had ended.
“Hi.” She smiled wondering if he had also sensed something was wrong with her since he seemed to be a spiritual person too.
This was the second day but she was still trying to gain the courage to call Dapo. She wasn’t even sure of what she was going to say to Him. She was scared. How would he look at her? Like someone who couldn’t take the challenge when it came? They had not gotten married and she was already leaving him to himself when he shared something like that with her.
She hadn’t even been able to concentrate. All her mind had been on Him all day.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Yea I’m fine.”
“You looked lean and worried, and then throughout class you seemed to be somewhere else. Is there something you would like to share with me?”
She shook her head. Had he been watching her throughout class? She knew he wasn’t happy about her relationship with the Kitans and suspected He would be glad to realize she wasn’t enjoying it as well. He’d assumed she was in for the money or maybe because she had backslided and was spending most of her time with Mr Kitan.
She predicted right.
“Is it boyfriend trouble?”
Not anymore.
“No, it’s not, what makes you say that?”
“Well, I’ve done my research on your precious Mr Kitan and I doubt you’re going to like what the tabloids say about him.”
She was bored already. She knew what the gossips said about him already. It was her choice to listen or not to listen.
“Impressive.” She forced a smile and began packing her books.
“Look Nimi, I only want the best for you. I know I may not be your drop dead gorgeous dream guy but I’d like you to give me a chance. I’ve been praying about us and I believe God is leading me to you as the flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones. I won’t hurt you like this guy has the tendency to. I may not have his wealth but I’m a decent hustler. I work for my money and after this program, I plan on opening my own business and striving to make it work.”
She blinked. He didn’t just say that did he? Maybe he was confused. The last time he didn’t see comparing the flesh of his flesh to a harlot and a golddigger but now he believed God was leading her to him.
She looked at him then and tried to picture life with Him. He was decent no doubt and he had the charisma of a pastor if he wanted to become one in the future. He sure didn’t have a past as well. Also raised in a Christian home like hers. She might have settled for him if she wasn’t certain where God was leading her. He wasn’t going to cause her trouble and he wasn’t going to raise tabloids.
But he was religious.
And she wasn’t going to spend time doing religion anymore. She had told herself in the past. Maybe it was time to jump into another phase again.
This time with Dapo.
“Thank you Dare for your kind words. I just don’t believe I’m the right girl for you. I think you would need to pray again and be certain. God is not a confusionist the last time I remembered.”
“Your eyes are on secular things. Girls of nowadays just want a guy that will carry them with limousine and buy them flowers and chocolates and then when the guy is tired of buying them all of that, they’ll have no option but to give him sex. Nimi you’re threading on dangerous grounds.”
She frowned. Who did this guy think he was to dish out judgements like this? “I don’t remember telling you my boyfriend believes in pre-marital sex.”
“It’s not what you believe. You’re too blind to see it. Instead of you to be content with what you have or can handle…”
“Dare, I beg you in the name of whatever you are worshiping. Don’t come and terrorize me and my spiritual life and my love life here okay? If you’re looking for wife, then it’s not me. If you’re looking for someone to support your ministry or your business, it’s not me. But I won’t have you saying all sorts because I’ve been quiet and watching you. You’re my friend and I respected you as one. But don’t ever insinuate anything about me or my boyfriend again, do you understand me?”
He stared at her in shock. She’d had enough.
“If you’ll excuse me. I’ve got a relationship to keep. Good day.”
And she walked out of the class.
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Nimi knew going all the way to Lekki would mean a terrible traffic for her on her way back home but she was willing to risk it. She had called Bibi his secretary to confirm if he was going to be in the office and how long he was going to be around. When Bibi mentioned he was in a meeting that would take a while, she decided to take the leap.
Her mind battled with so many thoughts as she struggled with her feelings. She wasn’t going to lie to herself. She’d missed him terribly. Ever since that Monday when he left, she had not felt the same way. She knew she loved him right where she stood and it scared her senseless. Every part of her had forgiven him and they had to move on. He hadn’t called or sent any text and she respected him for that. Not wanting to manipulate her feelings and wanting her to decide if she could pull through even after he had told her the terrible side of his past.
When she finally got to the office, Bibi was about rounding up for the day since it was late already. She smiled when she saw her.
“Hi, is he still in?”
“Yea, for about two days now he stays later than usual. I suspected it had to do with you.” Bibi smiled and touched her shoulder. “You want to give my Oga high blood pressure abi.”
Nimi smiled sadly. “I didn’t mean to.”
“Whatever it is, you guys should just kiss and make up jare. I hate seeing him this way. I might get to loose my bonus if it goes on like this.”
She chuckled.
“Yea I know I’m selfish but seriously, I just knew something was wrong. Okay, let me shut up my big mouth and leave already. Have fun you two.” She winked hugging Nimi briefly and going to her Boss’ door.
“Someone is here to see you sir.”
“At this time?” She heard his voice and she wanted to run into his arms and hug him and tell him how sorry she was.
Bibi shrugged and opened the door wider only for him to see Nimi. He was shocked and his face showed it. Standing up immediately, he tried to reach her but she was faster than He was and she leaped right into his arms burying her face into his neck.
“I’m so sorry Dapo. Forgive me please. I love you.”
Bibi giggled and closed the door when she saw the look on her Boss’ face. For a while they were like that till it registered on Him what Nimi meant and he pulled her closer allowing himself bask in her embrace like his life depended on it.
“You don’t know how much I missed you. How scared I was that you would leave me…” His voice cracked and she released him to look into his face. He had grown a beard already with two days apart.
“I didn’t realize you were hurting Dapo, please forgive me for being selfish and inconsiderate and…”
“There’s nothing to forgive. I told you I love you and it hasn’t changed.”
“And I love you too.”
He grinned like a boy that had been handed his favorite candy and she touched his chin that already had a few hairs on them. “You don’t know how it feels hearing you say those words to me. It’s like a dream come true.”
He pulled part of her hair that had slid to her face away from her eyes and planted a kiss on her forehead. “What it’s taking me not to kiss you so badly right now.”
She laughed realizing that his hands was still on her waist and she was starting to feel funny. “Yea, me too. But at the right time.”
He nodded allowing his hands slide away from her waist and holding her hands so he could lead her to his chair.
“Sit.”
She grinned settling into his chair. “Why, do you have something for me?”
“It’s the sunset that’s all. I do hope you like sunsets or you my princess would have me looking for something else to add to the list if this doesn’t impress you enough.”
“Hmmn.” She rolled her eyes pretending she didn’t think it was going to be anything impressive. “We’ll see about that. I can think about it.”
They both laughed and he reached for the curtains to pull them away turning off the lights in his office. She knew his place was on the top most floor but she had never imagined this would give her the most amazing view of the skyline.
It was so beautiful.
Her mind suddenly flashed to what it would be like on their honeymoon, he loving her and planting gentle kisses on her while they watched the sunset together.
He disrupted her thoughts when he leaned close behind her. “Well, what do you think?”
She swallowed tensed at the way his breath fanned her cheeks and how they sent dangerous feelings down her spine. “It’s…, It’s beautiful.”
“Awesome! Then that’s one thing I’ll make sure to add to my list when we plan a get away.”
She smiled and was relieved when he finally left her side and went to the fridge to bring out something for her while she kept swiveling in his chair like a happy child.
“What would you like?”
A cold slush of you handsome
“Baby…”
“Do you have juice? Orange or Pineapple?” She blinked feeling embarrassed that she had thought that way and he had caught her staring at him like she couldn’t help it.
“I have orange and some ice-cubes if you don’t mind.”
She suddenly felt thirsty. “Lots of ice-cubes please.”
“At your service your royal highness.”
She smiled at him and when he filled her glass and his, they raised it to each other.
“What shall we toast to?” She asked looking into his eyes that seemed to dance around her face like a man in love.
“To a million more sunsets…, together.”
Nimi giggled. “Together.”
Much love. Xo!
Original story by ITUNU TAIWO owner of http://myglowingscenes.com
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1 comments:
Beautiful