Nimi raised a hand to her mouth in shock unable to say anything as she stared at her boyfriend making his confession. She had expected worse things.
But not murder.
Oh God, not murder.
Her heart broke and more tears swam to the surface.
Dapo reached for her hands but she recoiled.
“Baby at least please hear me out.”
She swallowed not sure she could look at his face. How could he even touch her?
“What do you want to say? That it wasn’t intentional? That you’re a victim as well?”
You’re judging someone I’ve forgiven
She raised a hand to her throbbing temple and sighed.
Not now God, please not now.
Dapo remained quiet and when she looked into his eyes, she saw he had tears in them as well.
Her heart couldn’t contain it anymore and she burst into tears covering her face.
Oh God, what have I done to deserve this, why are you making me hurt this way?
He went on his knees. “I promised I would never make you cry. I just need you to listen to me and if you feel it’s too much for you to bear, I’ll understand. I really hope you find it in your heart to realize when I did it, I didn’t know God, I didn’t know His love through Jesus and I didn’t even realize what I was doing was wrong. I was selfish and brutal, not caring about others, but now, I care about you Nimi. I care about the people in my life and I would never hurt you. I love you Nimi.”
She struggled to wipe her eyes and looked at him. She wanted to believe him. She really wanted to.
“You don’t have to kneel, just sit and tell me what happened.” She finally managed to say.
“I was young and foolish and excited.” He began.
Dapo slammed his hand against the horn wondering why his sister was taking long to step out of the house and wondering if she was packing her make-up bag to school as usual so that she could get to paint her face with Aisha as they often did. He was aware his sister sneaked to parties often but he had rules for her and he knew she had to abide or he wasn’t covering up for her, neither was he going to help her out of any trouble if she got into one. There were two things she wasn’t supposed to bring home with her.
Not looking like a whore, drunk and wasted which she couldn’t since she wasn’t yet 18.
But Lara had her ways.
Not getting pregnant anytime soon.
He knew he had tried to prevent her from going overboard, but his parents gave her too much allowance and so there was only little he could do to intervene. If it was left to him, no guy was touching his sister. The last guy that had tried had gotten a broken nose. No guy ever came to visit her in the house since then.
And so she took the party outside.
He had to take her to school today because the driver had called in sick so he had to take his sister to school this morning. His father had just given him the newest jeep and it was his greatest treasure at the time. His new blue and glistening toy was going to see greater times ahead from beach parties to clubs to what not till he travelled back to the States. He was done with his undergrad and planned on going for his Masters in the coming year which meant It was time to have fun before going back.
Maybe if he’d seen how his future would pan out, he would have taken life a different way.
He frowned when his phone buzzed and he realized who it was. An old girlfriend that thought he had her included in his plans and wouldn’t stop disturbing him. He hadn’t promised her anything. They had only dated and hung out at parties. She was starting to sound desperate to him with the way she wouldn’t leave him alone.
Why didn’t girls understand this?
He wanted adventure and that was it. If there was any fresh blood that caught his fancy soon, he wouldn’t mind. The ones at the parties were beginning to bore him and had probably been with half of his friends. He wasn’t dealing with left overs. He wanted fresh meat, something he could boast to his friends about.
He turned to his sister who had found way to the passenger’s seat. “Next time, just let me know if you’re running for a beauty pageant so that Dad can hire a chauffeur for you.”
She rolled her eyes at him ignoring him as he drove off.
The music blasting from the car was enough to turn her deaf as they drove and Lara had to shout above the den so that he could hear her. He turned it down.
“It better be good whatever you want to say…”
“It’s a friend of mine, Melissa. She’s in SS3 and I think she likes you.”
“I don’t date juniors sorry.”
His sister shrugged. “I told her, but she’s my friend and I really want to get in her good books. She’s the Labour prefect and the last thing I want to do is clean up when others are. She’s 15 years old so I think she’s old enough.”
“Old enough for what?” He frowned at her.
“Dating or whatever you guys do. She’s dated many guys in her lifetime trust me and she’s got brains too.”
“Thank her for the offer but I’m not interested.”
“Don’t say I didn’t tell you.” When they got to school, Lara got down and smiled at him waving. He waved back and that was when he saw the girl as Lara hinted. They knew how they sent codes to one another. She was pretty no doubt. Looked like she was from a certain part of Nigeria he couldn’t place his fingers on. And she looked flawless even in her school uniform and he suddenly got curious. She looked older than her age as well.
The girl suddenly turned and smiled at him.
He did not know when he smiled back and watched as his sister went with her new friend towards the classrooms.
And for the first time in his life, he thought dating a high school girl would not be a bad idea afterall. He was looking for something new and it came tapping right at his doorstep.
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It didn’t take up to a week when the duo got together and they would meet to share kisses in his rendesvouz and even more. He knew what he was doing was wrong, not only was he 10 years older, she was a junior and it only bred trouble for her if not him. He got to realize that though she was going to a rich kids school, she was not from a very wealthy home. Though her parents were wealthy, half of her school fees was on scholarship and she planned on sitting for WAEC and JAMB the same year.
At least she had plans because He didn’t have any for her since it was meant to be a fling and nothing more.
So when she told him that she was pregnant, he was shocked. He initially thought it had been a joke.
“I didn’t think it was serious till I saw the signs.” She sat beside him on the bed when they had met to talk that afternoon after she had called him earlier. He had thought it had to do with their usual meeting but was unstable with the news she had brought. Was it some kind of prank secondary girls pulled at guys from him to get money from them? Even his old girlfriends never got pregnant.
“But that’s not possible.” He replied. “I used contraceptives and you assured me you were on the pill. This is just some bullshit tale you want to scare me with huh?”
Her eyes pooled. “I have my life before me Dapo. My parents will kill me if they hear about it, why would you think I would want to scare you with something that delicate?”
He swallowed. This was as real as it gets.
“So what do you want me to do now?” He spat angrily. In all His life he did not envision to be a father, not yet and not in some years to come. He still had his life to live and he wasn’t going to sit around babysitting some girl and her baby.
“How are you sure I’m the father, Lara told me you dated other guys in your past.”
She looked at him then. “You and I know I was a virgin before anything happened between us. I only told Lara those tales because I thought guys loved hearing it.’’
He rubbed a hand on his head. This wasn’t something he planned. It was like a nightmare coming true. What about his plans for the future? What about his plan to further his education? His future wasn’t worth sacrificing for anybody.
Not even a stupid young girl who didn’t know how to keep things tidy.
“Look, everything is going to be fine. We just have to figure out how to get rid of the baby.”
Melissa blinked. “I don’t think I want to do an abortion. My parents are catholic. It’s only going to make it worse for them if I get an abortion. And secondly I’m just scared. Before coming to meet you, I’ve checked up on it but I didn’t have the heart to go through it. I keep seeing horrible things and having horrible dreams about abortion that I don’t think it’s an option for me. It’s like God wants me to keep the baby, maybe it’s a punishment for my sin or something.’’
The girl had really gone nuts if she was thinking that way. What did God have to do with all of this? Where was he when they were together? She didn’t remember that did she? And so what did she expect? That he should suddenly chose to become a father and she would move into his home?
Not in his lifetime.
“So what do you plan on doing? Keeping the baby? What about your future? What about your exams?”
She shrugged wiping her face. “Hopefully I’ll write them after the baby.”
His parents could not hear about this. All his plans would be dashed. They did not raise him this way and as an act of discipline, they would insist he stay and take care of his mess. If a girl did not agree with abortion, then the other option was to have him father her baby and get a job here in Nigeria.
He decided to take the warmer approach.
“Baby look, you have to think of me in all of this. I love you but right now, I don’t think I’m ready to father a baby.”
She turned her face away but he turned her to face him. “I love you Melissa. But you need to do this for me if you love me. We can have other babies in the future, but it’s just so inconvenient right now. We’re not ready for a family. Look at us. Do you think we can handle a family? Look at you, you’re only 15 years old. Your friends are going to laugh at you. What if your parents disown you? What if they choose not to stand by you? I don’t know what my parents would say, but what if they chose not to stand by me either? You have a full life ahead of you. I doubt you want to spend it on diapers and cerelac when you’ve still got a beautiful future ahead of you.”
She relaxed and he saw he was getting across to her.
“I assure you it’s not going to hurt okay. You’ll be fine. I know someone who can help you with it and before you know it, it’s like it never happened. You’re clean and gone. He’s a friend of the family.”
She looked into his eyes trusting Him. “I’m scared Dapo…”
He embraced her and she hugged him like her life depended on it. “What if something happens to me.”
“Nothing is going to happen baby. I’ll be there, I promise.”
“I love you Dapo, I’ve always loved you.”
“I love you too baby.”
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It took hours before the doctor stepped out to see him and he grew worried. What was going on in the room? The doctor had told him it was going to go smoothly and he did not have to be afraid. But right now, all the hair on his skin stood.
“Is she alright? What’s going on? I thought this was going to be easy as you said.” He queried when he finally came face to face with the doctor.
He sighed shaking his head. “It’s a rare case young man. Remember I told you about this the last time you brought her for assessment. Her cervix is quite narrow and this is creating complications for us though it shouldn’t. She’s been bleeding and we’re doing all we can to keep her alive even if she’s at great risk of infection and cervical injury.”
Dapo was worried. The doctor wasn’t making sense to him.
“What about the baby? Did you succeed?”
The doctor looked at him then, “If I go through with this, there’s a 70% chance she might not make it alive. For your girlfriend’s sake I would suggest…’’
“Whatever you can do, I just want to be sure the abortion is successful.”
The man understood him immediately. “Of course, that’s why you came to me isn’t it?” He managed a stiff smile and returned to the ward.
“She had told me she had a bad feeling about it but I ignored her because of what I wanted.” Dapo continued. “Even when the doctor provided an alternative, I didn’t want to hear it because I was scared I wouldn’t lose the baby which I desperately wanted to get rid of. I intentionally killed her.”
“So she died…” Nimi wanted to have a little hope that the girl had survived someway somehow but Dapo confirmed her worst fears.
“She did, and it was all my fault. Believe me that this has haunted me my whole life ever since I gave my life to Christ. I know I’ve been forgiven but anytime I see a young girl, I see Melissa, I think of my unborn child and the fear grips me that I might get paid back for what I did. I went to see her parents years ago but they would not hear of it. She had been their only girl and I had taken her away from them. I know I was a horrible person but somedays I can’t bear to live with myself thinking I had the heart to do that.”
Nimi could only watch him and she wished she could find a way to comfort him from the agony he currently faced. But she really needed comfort herself. She needed to maybe pray again and be sure if this was the route God was leading her. She’d always imagined to do life with someone who did not have flaws. But all of this just made it hard.
Too hard.
Too hard father.
For me or for you?
For me, I’m a human being and I have feelings. I’m not some robot who can sit down and take everything the Kitans just dish out to me like someone without a fiber of emotion in her body. I hurt too, and I feel pain too, and I just want to live life without wondering if my child would end up in a man’s hands like Dapo or if I would even have any at all…
Stop it. Just stop it. What are you doing?
She sighed. She could sense the Spirit admonishing her but she was just too stubborn to listen now.
She knew she should tell him what Her Spirit wanted Him to know. She knew God wanted Her to remind Him of how that did not stop God from loving Him but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.
How could God love someone like this? For other sins maybe but this was just too much.
“I’m sorry I put you through all of this.” He brought out his handkerchief and wiped his face forcing a smile. “But thanks for listening. I’ll be on my way home. Goodbye Nimi.”
She watched him leave without saying a word.
Much love. xo!
Original story by ITUNU TAIWO owner of http://myglowingscenes.com
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